It was a silly decision after-all. It is firstly not God's will and secondly, it's far too dangerous. I can never trust myself to fully utilize the hours of not going to church.
If it's a bunch of feelings and discouragements that's poking me, shouldn't i exercise my authority over my emotions? Why choose to be led by my heart?
But why the constant thoughts of leaving? I find a lack of commitment from my part. I guess it's been there since the great "Exodus" occurred, seeing all my closest buddies and leaders leave, i don't know if i should be going too.
Now, if i'm to resolute myself to commit to this church and rebuilding of the youth group, i guess leaving should have never cross my mind.
But there's still much to learn about koinonia tho. I find my lack of love towards people in church to be disappointing and it must've been really ugly in God's eyes. Perhaps it's the expectations of "christian behaviors" that's causing this. Some people may be hard to love, but if God has called us to be a community of believers, i don't see why He would not help me do so...
Ahhh, things are so much clearer when you're on your knees praying, "Not my will but Thine be done."
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